(no subject)
bunny
usaginokawaii
hello! everyone!

i finally have time to make a post since the funeral now that finals all done.

thank you so much everyone for all your kind work and help during this sad time. a SUPER BIG THANKS to HOLLY for all to wonderfully nice things she did for me even if what i ask for help with was stupid :P another BIG THANKS to Michael's mom for coming all the way down here for the funeral ^_^

i've been ok since it happened, really. but the fact that i've been so ok with it kinda worry's me. before when i keep getting bad news i would cry my eyes out, big ugly crying. but after it happened i only had a few little moments, like when i michael first came over, and then when i saw my friend pam at the walk through after the funeral. i know every deals with it in there own way, but i feel like there is something wrong but i don't know. maybe i'm reading to much into this.

other then these weird thought i'm cool. not much else going on.

we want to try to go to Hawaii this summer but it's still kinda up in the air cuz i'm worried about the cost with all these new bill i'll have. i don't know.

well that's about it for me! *hug* love you all!

(no subject)
bunny
usaginokawaii
i forgot to add in my last post that instead of doing flowers we have three funds set up in her name. one for the cancer center where my mom had stuff done, one for domestic violence against women, and one for animals at humane society.

i have no idea how this works so if you want you can call my grandma or i think something will be said in her obituary.

(Ashley's Grandmas home number if info is needed) # 1-316-789-0334

(no subject)
bunny
usaginokawaii
today at 7:23 am my mom passed away. she went very peacefully.

i'm doing ok. i had my moment with mom last night before she passed so i'm ok now.

down below is the funeral info. if you can make it that would be nice, if you can't that is ok as well.

Funeral:
Wednesday April 29th @ 11 AM
First Presbyterian Church
324 N. Baltimore, Derby KS
(Between Dairy Queen and Subway)

Visitation:
Tuesday April 28th from 6PM - 8PM
Dignity Memorial
201 S. Hyrdaulic
Wichita KS 67211

(no subject)
bunny
usaginokawaii
hi guys.

my mom is really not doing well right now.

since she was told that there was nothing else they could do to treat her cancer she decided on no more so that she could enjoy the rest of her time without the side effects that any harsh treatment would cause.

since this time she has been for the most part ok, still able to walk but just weak. i saw my mom on Easter Sunday and she had had a fever and was feeling weak but other then that ok. apparently after that she just stayed in bed sleeping with a fever and not getting up. they thought it might be an infection and they gave her antibiotics to try to help it but they did nothing.

she has not changed at all since this time. she just stays in bed and seems to be in a constant state of fit-full sleep until she actually does fall asleep and goes still. there are short periods where she will open her eyes and see you and mumble a hi or try to answer a question but that is about it. she can't hold on to anything anymore and can no longer get up and support her own weight. she is on drugs to keep her more comfortable and not in pain

she can still recognize people and will smile at you when she is 'there' so that's good. and hospice care is coming every day now and my grandma can giver her meds as needed so that is working out. since Tuesday she has had someone to stay up with her during the night so that if the meds stop working she can get more and my grandma can get the sleep she needs. Jordan my brother stayed on Tuesday, i stayed Friday night, and then some of my grandmas old nurse friends has stayed since then.

we don't know if this is just a spell and she might get better from this, but i've stopped being so hopeful. no one has given us a time period so we still don't know what will happen but from my point of view it does not look good. and i don't really know what else to do but pray and be with her as much as possible.

so that is my update for those of you who may have been wondering. if you all could pray in your own way that would be great.
i've already had by big breakdown on Wednesday when my grandma told me about how she hadn't changed since Monday and so now i'm just kinda taking it and only tearing up when i have to explain it to people and when people try to reassure me that she will be in a better place when this is all over and that she loves me and is proud of me.

i have a lot of mixed feeling about all this. i always thought that would be able to handle this better if she could just see me graduate and get married. i still want her to make it till then, but after seeing her as she is now i also kinda want this to be over with so that she wont be in pain and in this degenerative state any more, but if she goes now i know i wont be able to handle it. i keep hating how this all has turned out and been mad at the universe for if they were going to have this happen and there was nothing we could do about it then why couldn't they have waited till i was older and she was older and then maybe this all wouldn't seem as bad as it does now.
and then on top of all this i have to worry about funeral arrangements,papers for the end of classes switching over bills into my name, how i will pay for this stuff with my crappy paying job, and getting a not crappy so i can better handle all these new bills. this stuff i've kinds pushed to the back till i have to deal with it but i totally does not help me sleep at night.

thankfully through all this i have had Michael and so i know i have a safety net when this all gets to hard for me so i getting through this.

(no subject)
bunny
usaginokawaii
Here is the videos!

The first link is a video of the box and ring Michael gave me (the box is the companion cube from the game Portal for those of you who may not know) He made the box himself out of skulpey and acrylic paint.
The second video is of Michael proposing. He was very crafty about and told me he was wanting to take a picture of us together but he was actually setting up his camera to record the proposal. ^_^

Ring & Box
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kESe_Al2upY

Proposal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFPU4RgSa5Y

Good News!
bunny
usaginokawaii
Hi everyone! How was everyone's V-day? Mine was great, everything was wonderful!

Guess what? Michael proposed! It was all so great!

We went to a restaurant called J. Gilbert's on Saturday. The dinner was great! After dessert, Michael pulled out his camera and put it on his little GorillaPod tripod and said he was going to take a picture of us together. But instead, he was actually recording video (video will be posted later). Michael then pulled out this adorable companion cube made of sculpey! (The companion cube is from a video game called 'Portal' for those who don't know). He told me it was the project he had been working on for some time now. He then proceeded to come around the table and pulled the cube apart to reveal a big shiny engagement ring! It was really great and everything was perfect! So that was my Valentine's Day!




(no subject)
bunny
usaginokawaii
ok i told you all that my mom was going to a mayo clinic to have then see if they could come up with a different treatment.

today my grandma called and said that there was nothing else they could really do. so now we just have to wait and see.

i don't know what to make of this yet and i'm working so hard right now to hold it together till this weekend and they get back in town and i get back from KC. i'm not going to think to far ahead yet till we can talk and figure things out and how to handle this yet. i'm work hard to think logically and stay as positive as humanly possible,

if all of you, and i mean everyone, could pray or something, what ever you think will help in any way please do, even if your not religious. i will take anything.

(no subject)
bunny
usaginokawaii
work sucks like no other! the upper people are all being asses because of cuts we had to make so now there riding us over stupid crap! AH!

in other news, classes are OK, i finally got Michale's v-day gift, and feet hurt cuz of some new sneaker i had to get (old ones got a hole).

mom had her appointment that he mayo clinic on the 10th so please pray that it goes well ^_^

love ya all!

(no subject)
bunny
usaginokawaii
WE FINISHED PSYCHONAUTS! AND IT WAS GREAT! go play ^_^

school this week was fine but worked sucked

we finally figured out what we will do for v-day and anniversary! were going to go to KC to do something fun! what the fun stuff will be we haven't worked out yet...

we will try to go up Friday, mind if we come bug you Holly & Christine? please! grab some food?

(no subject)
bunny
usaginokawaii
went to classes today and it was ok. felt sleepy and a little light headed all day due to blood giving. i already have homework XO boooo...

work sucked.

going to buffalo wild wing later with michael, billy, long, and michael's long lost friend tommy morgan (he's very hot ^_^)

?

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